


Learning Grace

by roebling



Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: First Time, Hotel Sex, Intercrural Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 22:39:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roebling/pseuds/roebling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything about Daehyun's relationship with Youngjae is complicated. Are they best friends? B.A.P's vocal line? Two idiots who are going to drive each other truly crazy? But when he's starting to think he'll never figure it out, Youngjae does something unexpected that makes Daehyun rethink everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Learning Grace

**Author's Note:**

> For the truly inspiring [Michelleisat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/michelleisat/pseuds/michelleisat) and the indescribably awesome [Suitofarmour](http://archiveofourown.org/users/suitofarmour). Thank you both so much for your help <3333333 You are amazing *_____*

Their hotel is ordinary: two queen beds squeezed close together, a flat screen tv, nondescript furniture. It hasn't been that long since a cheap room in a Seoul study hotel was enough to overawe Daehyun, but one Pacific tour later it's not too much of an exaggeration to say he's become a man of the world.

But tonight, their room has a balcony: a small and unanticipated luxury. There's just one chair and a tiny table and a black char mark in one corner from a former tenant’s illegal smoking. Daehyun claimed the chair himself. Youngjae is cross legged on the ground with his hands tucked inside his sleeves of his sweatshirt and the hood tied tight so only the red tip of his nose sticks out. He's quiet. Youngjae doesn't let much faze him, but they've just played the first of two sold out shows at Yoyogi National Gymnasium and now Tokyo glitters darkly below them and it's kind of a lot. If Youngjae is overwhelmed ... Well, he's not the only one.

Or maybe that’s not it at all. Youngjae's head dips, the way Daehyun’s used to when he sat in his boring Math class senior year, way in the back of the room, when the tedium overwhelmed his admittedly not very great desire to learn about cosines. 

"You're falling asleep." Sometimes even Youngjae needs someone to be his voice of reason. "Go take a shower and go to bed." 

"It's your turn to go first," Youngjae says, grumpy and only half awake. 

"Yeah, well," Daehyun says, "Through the kindness of my heart I’m giving my turn to you. Is there some problem with that?” 

Youngjae narrows his eyes, suspicious. 

"Fine," Daehyun says, grinning. "I just don't want to deal with your sleepy ass tomorrow morning, making us all late."

Youngjae shakes his head. “Shut up,” he says. 

Stupid punk Youngjae. But between them, that’s affection. 

Daehyun listens until he hears the shower starts. Youngjae always takes a long time in the shower - it’s a running joke, kind of. ‘What are you doing in there?’ and Himchan will never fail to snort in a completely undignified way. And while sometimes he is doing _that_ , most of the time he’s not. (It’s been almost three years in close quarters. Daehyun knows what they all sound like when they jerk off. The shower doesn’t hide everything.) He just likes the water, Youngjae told him when he asked. It helps him think. 

“Weirdo,” Daehyun had said. 

Youngjae just wrinkled his nose and grinned. 

It’s strange he remembers that so clearly. Back at home in Busan, in his little bed at his parents’ house, he’d dreamed of other, more tangible things: a professional studio, his voice coming clear and perfect through the car radio, the hot lights of his debut stage, the faceless, enraptured audience screaming his name. Instead it’s stuff like this: Youngjae’s stupid Mona Lisa smile and the way his chin is a little crooked and the creases at the corners of his eyes when he grins. Himchan’s donkey laugh and the way he’ll always give Daehyun a little bit of his share of food (even when he shouldn’t). Yongguk’s praise - sparing but sincere. Junhong’s delight in his own skill and even greater delight when he helps one of the hyungs master a difficult dance move. Jongup’s unbegrudging generosity and inscrutable sense of humor. Manager Kang, and his necessary good humored smile. The coordi nunas. The hair stylist nunas. The poor, long suffering makeup nuna. 

Youngjae. 

Tonight more than any night, he should be thinking about the big picture. The first big show of their first Japanese tour is successfully concluded. Ticket sales exceeded all expectations. Both the singles did well. But what Daehyun is thinking about instead is Youngjae, who during their duet performance took out his in-ear and looked over at Daehyun smiling like his heart was made of light and then they sang and it seemed to him then like they’d never sounded better - together or apart. 

In the back of the van on the way to the restaurant where they had their post concert celebratory meal they listened to the soundboard recording and Daehyun was proven wrong - Youngjae's mic was mixed too low and Daehyun went flat during the bridge. 

“Ugh,” Daehyun said. “I should have nailed that.” 

Youngjae scowls at him. “You sounded fine. You _always_ sound fine, Daehyun. I should have asked them to turn up my mic.” He’s bristly and annoyed all of a sudden, and Daehyun doesn’t quite know why. 

“You sounded fine too,” he says, lamely, but Youngjae just shrugs and crosses his arms over his chest and is quiet until they get to the restaurant, where he can happily tease Junhong that their dinner is currently the pretty fish swimming around in the plate glass tanks. 

It’s always like that. Daehyun will feel like he and Youngjae are two of a kind, B.A.P’s vocalists, together against the world, and then something stupid will happen and his feelings will get hurt or Youngjae will be irritated and they’ll pull apart, antsy and unsure. 

The shower shuts off. The door slides open and Youngjae peeks out. 

"Your turn." 

He’s wearing one of the big white hotel bathrobes and toweling his hair dry. His cheeks are red and his eyes are dark and he looks … 

Sometimes Daehyun pays too much attention to the way that Youngjae looks. He doesn’t mean to, but sometimes Youngjae’s just right _there_ and Daehyun can’t avoid it. 

After the cool Tokyo night, the hotel room is oppressive. The damp air is heavy on Daehyun’s skin. "You never remember to turn on the fan."

Youngjae has a good memory but he can be forgetful about the stupidest things.

"Mmmmm." Youngjae says pleasantly. He sprawls happily on Daehyun's bed. 

"Get off," Daehyun says. "Get your own pillow wet, dummy."

Youngjae just grins and rubs his head into Daehyun's pillow like a disobedient, rangy dog. 

“Stupid,” Daehyun grumbles. “I’m stealing yours then.” 

“I’d like to see you try,” Youngjae mumbles, wrapping his arms tight around the pillow in question. 

Daehyun snorts. 

In the bathroom, Daehyun's piecemeal reflection in the steamed mirror is skinnier than it was a few months ago. They're working too hard for him to go to the gym much these days. His bare skin is clearer though and he'll never believe he's handsome like people say but he's starting to see why they say it, maybe. 

Maybe. He still has a big nose. It doesn’t really bother him when people point it out any more. Daehyun remembers the way Youngjae laughed off all the pointlessly cruel things people said about him - that ability had impressed him as much or more than Jongup’s dance or Junghong’s rap or Himchan’s face or Yongguk’s … everything. Grace under fire. He’d like to say he’s picked up a little of that. 

The hot water feels too good on his sore muscles. Performing is still hard, because they all always want to do better but it's gotten easier. They have fun now, and the audiences love it, and it’s good in a way he’d been so scared it would never be. For months after they debuted he had a knot in his stomach at the thought of bad songs, dismal sales, disbandment, anonymity …

He doesn’t think much about those things any more. Now he knows that sooner or later their time will be up. He just hopes that when it is he can look back and be proud of what they’ve done. He hopes that when it is he can say that they’re all still best friends. 

He rinses his hair and shuts off the water. It’s quiet in the other room. Youngjae’s probably fallen asleep. Daehyun’s tired, but his heart and his mind are still racing. Maybe he’ll wake Youngjae up. He’ll be annoyed, but Daehyun especially likes hotel nights when he and Youngjae stay up and talk. There’s something different about them. Something unrestrained and removed from the ordinary bustle of washing up and fighting for the bathroom back at the dorm. Not that anything is ever ordinary for them any more. 

He pulls on his boxers. His wet towel goes on top of the pile Youngjae has started on the floor. The first time they stayed in a hotel Daehyun carefully folded the towels after he used them and hung them back up. Youngjae laughed at him ruthlessly and then explained why it wasn’t necessary. 

Those kinds of barbs hurt. Daehyun let them build up, at first. Somewhere along the line he just started teasing Youngjae back. 

Youngjae’s still on Daehyun’s bed. 

“Hey,” Daehyun says, prodding him in the shoulder, “Get up.” 

There’s no reply. 

“Get up!” Still nothing. Youngjae’s face is turned to the side and his floppy dark hair mostly covers his eyes. He could be sleeping. He could be faking it. “This kid …” 

Daehyun unzips his bag and pulls out a pair of the loose knit pants he likes to sleep in. He brushes his hair. He tidies his bag back up, because unlike some people he likes to know where all of his things are so that they can actually get out of the room on time in the morning. 

“Get up. Get in your own bed.” Daehyun’s good nature is starting to shade towards something like annoyance. It’s been a long day full of new, exhausting things. He’s not tired, but on the other hand he’s dead tired. “And give me your pillow.” 

“Make me,” mumbles Youngjae, muffled. 

Daehyun narrows his eyes. He hasn’t had the chance to work out lately, but he’s still stronger than he used to be. “Fine.”

He digs his fingers into the stupid robe Youngjae’s wearing and shoves. Youngjae tenses his shoulders and wraps his arms around the pillow. Daehyun pushes at his back. The blankets and the sheets pull up off the mattress but Youngjae clings on, like some irritating barnacle. 

“Fine,” Daehyun says. He leans over to the other bed (leans over so that he’s lying over Youngjae’s, and he can feel the solid warm of him) and grabs Youngjae’s pillow. “Fine. I’m just going to sleep. In my bed. I don’t care what you do.” 

Youngjae’s pillow is defective or something. It’s impossible to get it into any shape other than totally lumpy. Daehyun pummels it into submission and then lies on his back with his arms over his chest. He really, really wants to get up and fix the blankets but he can’t do that because stupid Youngjae is lying on top of them too. 

“It’s really fun to make you mad,” Youngjae says. He’s looking at Daehyun now, through his stupid floppy bangs, head propped up with one arm. The bathrobe is slipping off his shoulder and his skin looks warm and really soft. 

“You’re a jerk,” Daehyun says. 

“No,” Youngjae says. “It’s just … You’re so good at keeping yourself in check, so it’s even funnier when you get all angry.” 

Daehyun swallows. He doesn’t want to talk about why Youngjae’s the only one who seems to be able to push his buttons. 

“You’re not still mad about the concert, are you?” 

“Huh?” Daehyun shakes his head. “No, the concert was fine.” 

“Good,” Youngjae says. “You don’t need to be so hard on yourself about every little mistake. We’re all human. We all mess up.” 

“You don’t,” Daehyun says, annoyed. 

Youngjae snorts. “Sure I do,” he says. “And I’m not doing vocal acrobatics like you are, anyway.” 

“Hey! Don’t tell me not to be so hard on myself and then go put yourself down in the same breath.” Daehyun rolls onto his side so he can see Youngjae better and …

That’s too close. That’s way too close. It’s not like they’ve never shared a bed before but this seems too intimate all of a sudden. Youngjae is right next to him, with his long bare legs and his sleepy eyes and his stupid little smirk. 

“I’m not putting myself down,” Youngjae says. “Technically speaking, your parts are harder.” 

He says that like it’s just some fact, like the freezing point of water or the sun rising in the east. He says that like it’s true and not the result of stylistic choices neither of them get to make, not the result of them arranging for Daehyun’s voice and not Youngjae’s, not the result of a dozen tiny decisions that mean that things lean this way, instead of that. 

“Sorry,” Daehyun says. Suddenly he feels bad. 

Youngjae just shrugs. 

“Are you sure you didn’t hate me when I first joined the group?” He has to ask because … well, he asks because he would have hated Youngjae, if their roles had been reversed. 

Youngjae shakes his head. “Nope,” he says. He blinks. “I was more stressed out by them asking me to sing stuff I couldn’t sing. I’m not lying.” 

“And you don’t hate me now?” 

Youngjae rolls his eyes. “Are you an idiot or something?” 

Daehyun is not an idiot. He just thinks about this stuff a lot. “You did get my pillow all wet.” 

Youngjae does something strange then: he glances down and he bites his lower lip (in that way he always does). “I don’t hate you,” he says, in a quiet, sleepy voice. He smiles then and he leans forward a little and kisses Daehyun. On the mouth.

The tips of Daehyun’s fingers and the ends of his toes are hot, suddenly, like little fireworks went off and are traveling up the lengths of his limbs. Youngjae’s lips are soft, and the kiss is closemouthed and still, like they’re gradeschoolers sneaking away during recess to do something daring in the corner of the playground. 

But. Youngjae is kissing him. That fact alone seems to have short circuited the part of his brain that lets him move. Or think. 

Youngjae opens one eye. He rolls onto his back.

“Is it that bad?” 

Daehyun opens his mouth. He closes it again.

“Sorry,” Youngjae says, and he starts to roll off the bed. 

“No, no,” Daehyun says. He puts a hand on Youngjae’s arm. Youngjae looks back at him over his shoulder. “Why’d you do that?” 

Youngjae shrugs. “I’ve wanted to,” he says. “For a while. And I think we could have gone on forever the way we were, but I wanted to see if the other stuff would work too.” 

He’s usually so articulate. It’s strange, seeing him like this. Shy and a little nervous and not at all sure of what he’s just done. 

“If it doesn’t work,” Youngjae says. “We can just forget it. Just forget it, okay?” 

Daehyun closes his eyes. It doesn’t feel like the thought it would. Falling in love? That’s supposed to be cherubs swooping and red roses and stars swirling around inside your heart. This is just Youngjae, in a bathrobe, smelling like soap. 

“You could have planned something a little more romantic,” Daehyun says, annoyed. 

Youngjae grins a huge stupid grin. “Sorry, Daehyunnie,” he says. “Next time.” 

“Next time?” Daehyun might be a bit of a romantic but he’s not waiting for next time. Not when Youngjae is right here next to him and he’s slowly realizing that this is what he’s been hoping for for months. “Wait a minute. I don’t mean … We don’t have to wait for _next time_.” He frowns. “You can get the romantic thing right later. More kissing now.” 

Youngjae laughs, then, goofy and happy with the creases that Daehyun loves at the corners of his eyes. He grins and rolls forward so that they really are right next to each other, chest to chest. His foot comes down and his toe smooths against Daehyun’s ankle. His hands are on Daehyun’s bicep, on his shoulder, on his chest. Daehyun doesn’t know what to do with his hands, because obviously he wants to touch (Hasn’t he always? Back in the beginning when Youngjae looked young and soft and now when he … doesn’t) but this is really, really kind of fast and maybe he should have anticipated and gotten some practice in or something.

“You’re thinking too much,” Youngjae says, his nose pressed against Daehyun’s chest and his soft hair tickling Daehyun’s chin. “Don’t get all weird about this.” 

“You kissed me,” Daehyun says. Youngjae _kissed him_. Of course he’s going to be overthinking it. 

Youngjae shrugs, shy, and hides his face. “You never thought about it before?” 

Daehyun shakes his head. “I did,” he says. “I did, but …” He never thought it would really happen. “Why tonight?” 

“I was just sick of waiting,” Youngjae says. “I think if I’d kept waiting I would have ended up hating you eventually.” 

“Stupid,” Daehyun says, because the thought of Youngjae hating him makes him cold. “You wouldn’t have.” 

“I would have,” Youngjae says, annoyed, and leans forward to kiss him again. 

It’s still a little awkward. Daehyun thought that kissing would _taste_ like something, but it doesn’t really? And he’s not sure what to do with his hands other than ball them up in the bathrobe that Youngjae’s still wearing. But it’s nice, too. Really nice. Youngjae bites at Daehyun’s lower lip, and it _hurts_ kind of, but not in a bad way? Daehyun has no idea how Youngjae knew he would like that, but he does. 

And that’s kind of what all of it is like. He’s never done this before, and he’s definitely never done it with a guy, and it should all feel a lot more _fraught_ , but it’s easy instead, because it’s Youngjae and as much as they hassle each other and fight, as many petty jealousies and pointless secrets they hide (Daehyun knows that Youngjae steals his socks) they’ve always understood each other and balanced each other out in a way that doesn’t take much effort at all. 

They’re closer together now, hips pressing together and Daehyun can’t exactly hide the fact that he’s getting hard. And like … the bathrobe is falling off Youngjae’s shoulder and it should look dumb, but now he can see the smooth flat muscle in his chest and the dip of his collarbones and that’s not nearly enough. He wants to see more. 

“Let’s … hey!” 

He’s reaching for the knot on Youngjae’s bathrobe at the same time that Youngjae reaches down and wraps his hand around Daehyun’s dick through the soft worn fabric of his sleep pants. 

“What are you doing?”

Youngjae squeezes. Daehyun’s hips jerk forward. 

“Did you think I was going to tell you to go take a cold shower or something?” Youngjae asks. 

Daehyun didn’t think … like. Are they going to have _sex_? Daehyun’s definitely not prepared for that. 

“Um,” he says. “Wait a second. Are we going to …?” 

Youngjae looks up, grinning. “Fuck?” He shakes his head. “I didn’t bring any stuff with me.” 

“Stuff?” Daehyun … okay, he attended sex-ed class in high school but they didn’t really go into details with this kind of stuff, and especially not with what two _guys_ would do. He’s picked up the general jist of it but he’s way too chicken to have ever searched it online. What exactly does Youngjae mean by stuff? Is there some special equipment or something that they’re going to need? He glances down. His cheeks burn. It seems like they’ve got plenty of equipment already. 

Youngjae nods. “You know. Condoms and lube and stuff.” 

Daehyun is pretty sure his eyes are bugging out of his head. “Where did you get …” He drops his voice to a whisper. “Condoms?”

Youngjae shrugs. “Himchan hyung gave them to me. I think he thought we were … y’know.” 

Daehyun can’t handle this many revelations in one night. “Himchan hyung? He thought we were … what?” 

Youngjae wrinkles his nose. “Having sex, idiot. And stop talking about Himchan hyung while we’re in bed.” 

Daehyun images Himchan’s pale, bony self lying right between them. “Augh.” 

Youngjae rolls his eyes. “So. Yeah. I’m not super prepared but there’s still some stuff we can do.” 

Daehyun nods. “Yeah?” He swallows. “I uh … I’ve never …” 

“I haven’t either,” Youngjae says. “With anyone, I mean. I just looked it up online.” 

Daehyun lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

“So,” he says, mustering his bravery and trying not to focus on the way Youngjae’s thigh keeps brushing his dick. “Other stuff?” 

Youngjae nods. “Take your pants off, and grab the lotion out of your bag.” 

Daehyun starts to shimmy out of his pajamas, when something occurs to him. “Shouldn’t that be the other way around?” 

Youngjae grins, and shakes his head no. 

Daehyun’s cheeks are burning. “You were just waiting to ogle me, weren’t you?” He leans over the edge of the bed to rummage in his suitcase, feeling way more naked than he ever has. His dick is hard and bobbing against his stomach. 

“I’m not ogling you. I’m appreciating,” Youngjae says.

“Right. Sure.” Daehyun’s the _organized_ one. Where the hell is this lotion? “Your motives are suspect, Yoo Youngjae.” 

“Don’t tell me you’ve never looked before.” Youngjae sounds insufferably smug. 

“No,” Daehyun says. Then, because it’s not a good idea to let Youngjae catch him in such an obvious lie, “Well. Not on purpose.” 

Finally he finds the lotion, tucked into the front pocket of his bag. He brushes his hair out of his face and tosses the tube onto the bed. Youngjae is lying on his side still, and Daehyun can see where the bathrobe tents. 

“Hey! You should be naked too.” 

Youngjae scowls. “Fine,” he says, sitting up. Slowly he undoes the knot on the bathrobe and pushes it off. His skin is smooth all over. It’s nothing Daehyun hasn’t seen before. (Dorm life doesn’t really allow you to hide things). This is better though because he’s allowed to look. Youngjae’s cock isn’t as big as Daehyun’s but it’s definitely big enough, Daehyun thinks, and a much brighter red color that Daehyun really likes for some reason. His stomach is flat and soft, and his shoulders are broad.The rough hair on his lower legs is sparser on his thighs, a scattering of dark over the smooth, pale skin. Youngjae has a baby face, but like this he looks older, with the bedside lamp casting shadows in the hollows of his cheeks. 

“Are you just gonna stare?” Youngjae mutters. “I know I’m not …” 

“You’re really hot,” Daehyun says all in a rush. “Like, gorgeous. I’m not lying when I say you’ve become the band’s visual, you know. Himchan hyung better watch his back.” 

Youngjae snorts and punches him. “You idiot.” He looks pleased, though. Sitting cross-legged, he reaches for the lotion. “Okay,” he says. “So I read about this and I kind of … hoped we’d get to try it. Come here.” 

He squeezes the lotion into his palm and rubs his hands together for a minute. Then he reaches down and smooths a hand over Daehyun’s cock. 

It feels really good. Like. Really good. Nobody’s ever touched Daehyun down there before and it feels way, way better than when he does it himself. Maybe because he doesn’t know what’s coming. Maybe because it’s Youngjae. He breathes in through his nose. 

“Hey,” Youngjae says. “Don’t come yet, okay?” 

Daehyun nods. He probably could, just from Youngjae barely touching him, but Youngjae doesn’t want him to so he _won’t_. Youngjae’s been _planning_ this. The realization makes him shake. He barely dared to put words to what he felt and Youngjae was going online and fucking researching and fantasizing about what they would do together. 

It’s really hot. He wonders what else Youngjae’s thought about. 

“Okay,” Youngjae says. He smooths a bit more of the lotion on his inner thighs. His legs are really nice and smooth. He lies down on his back with his legs bent just a little bit. “Come here.” 

Daehyun climbs on top of him and okay. This is kind of awkward. Hot, but really awkward too. He braces himself with one arm (wow is he ever thankful he started working out) and waits, because he’s got no clue what he’s supposed to do and to be honest he’s staring at Youngjae’s round red lips and he’d be totally fine with just kissing some more. 

But Youngjae tugs him forward and guides him so that his dick slips between Youngjae’s thighs. 

And oh. That feels really good. Daehyun scrunches his eyes shut and presses further into the smooth tightness. Youngjae’s dick is sandwiched between them as he thrusts and Youngjae makes a tiny noise of pleasure. 

“It’s good, right?” Youngjae asks. His eyes are narrow and his cheeks are red and his hair is flopping everywhere. 

Daehyun might be the motor mouth but right now he’s got no words. He nods. He pulls back, and thrusts again. The head of his dick brushes the solid back of Youngjae’s thighs. It’s really really good. 

“We should have been doing this a lot sooner,” Daehyun says, breathless. 

Youngjae swallows. His Adam’s apple bobs and when he breaths in his solid chest stretches. “No shit,” he says, but fondly. 

Youngjae reaches up and pulls Daehyun towards him with an arm around the back of his neck. He kisses Daehyun again, wet and aimless, half missing his mouth. Daehyun can barely concentrate on the smooth gleaming slide of his dick between Youngjae’s pale thighs. Youngjae’s face is half in shadow: it’s just his bright eyes and long lashes, the sharp curve of his cheekbone. Everything is … blurrier and jerkier than Daehyun thought it would be … not all poised and positioned and neat but fumbling and close. So close. He’s never been as close to anyone as he is to Youngjae right now. 

He reaches down and wraps his hand around Youngjae’s cock, and Youngjae moans into his mouth, arching up. His thighs clench tighter around Daehyun’s dick. Daehyun’s hand is slippery from the lotion and from Youngjae’s precome. He runs his fingernail over the ridge, and Youngjae goes all tense for a minute, arms flexed, stomach tight, and then he comes on both their stomachs. Daehyun smears the cum down Youngjae’s stomach. Youngjae bites at the corner of his mouth and surges _up_ so they’re chest to chest, belly to belly, and Daehyun is coming too, wet and messy all over Youngjae’s ass and legs and the bed. 

Wrinkling his nose, Youngjae shoves at Daehyun. “Roll over,” he says, pushing him onto his back. He’s wiping himself off with a corner of the blanket. 

Daehyun opens his mouth. Nope. No words yet. Youngjae’s gotta give him at least a minute here. He just came harder than he ever has in his life. He can still see the faint red marks from where he _fucked himself on Youngjae’s thighs_ but nothing really seems different. Shouldn’t they be whispering declarations of their love to each other? Murmuring sweet things in each other’s ears? Isn’t that how it goes? 

“We should have put down a towel,” Youngjae says, exhaling. 

Apparently not.

Daehyun has a thought. “What if the hotel tells Manager Kang? Youngjae, what if Manager Kang finds out?” 

Youngjae shrugs. “I’m sure it’s nothing the hotel hasn’t seen before.” He sits up, slowly, and stretches, arms over his head. He looks happy and at ease in a way that Youngjae rarely does. “We’re gonna need to take another shower.” 

Ugh. Right. “I’m going first this time.” 

Youngjae stares at him like he’s an idiot. 

“What? What?!” 

“We can just go together, Daehyunnie,” Youngjae says, grinning. “Or are you gonna get all shy now?”

Daehyun frowns. “Hey! I’m not shy! I’m not even a little bit shy.” 

Showering together is even weirder than the kissing and sex part, somehow. It’s not like they’ve never showered together before but is Daehyun supposed to do something now? Is he supposed to wash Youngjae’s back or his hair? Is Youngjae expecting him to pull some sauve move and push him back against the slick white tile and kiss him? 

It’s not gonna happen. Daehyun can barely keep his knees from buckling right now. 

Or maybe Youngjae’s expecting nothing at all. He’s pouring shampoo from the bottle and scrubbing his hair. Maybe after all of Youngjae’s planning the reality fell far short of what he’d been hoping. Maybe … 

Oh god. Youngjae is _crying_ , kneading scrunched eyes with a balled fist. Daehyun’s stomach hits the floor. This is bad. This was a mistake. This was … 

“Get out of the water, dummy,” Youngjae says, shoving him. “I’ve got soap in my eye.” 

Oh. 

Daehyun steps out of the way. Youngjae’s slick skin brushes his. Youngjae blinks under the streaming water. 

“Hey,” Daehyun says. Asking this makes him feel like his toes are going to curl up and drop off, but he’s got to know. And if he can’t ask Youngjae about this there’s probably no hope for him at all. “It was good, right?” 

Youngjae shakes his wet bangs out of his eyes. “Are you dumb? Of course it was good.” He shakes his head again. “I mean, I’m sure we’ll get better with practice, but it was great. Didn’t you think so?” 

Daehyun nods. “Yeah, but … I don’t know what to do now.” 

Youngjae wrinkles his nose. “Wash yourself first of all. Then we’ll go to sleep.” 

Daehyun feels something like panic start to rise up in his chest because doesn’t Youngjae get what a huge deal this is? “I mean, what are we going to do about _us_?” 

Youngjae shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says.

 _Youngjae_ doesn’t know? If he doesn’t know who does? How are they going to tell the hyungs? What if the company find out? What the fans catch on? What if they end up _hating each other’s guts_?

“Woah,” Youngjae says, one hand on Daehyun’s arm. “Calm down.” 

“I didn’t say anything,” Daehyun mutters. He’s trying to keep this freak out to himself. 

“You think I can’t tell when you’re getting all worked up?” Youngjae shakes his head. “You’re kind of obvious, Daehyunnie.” 

“I’m not,” Daehyun protests. “What if this just ends up being a huge mistake?”

Youngjae shakes his head. “It’s not going to be.” He steps closer, and Daehyun backs up against the wall of the shower. “You and me, Daehyun. That’s the most important thing, and we’re _good_ together. I figured that out a long time ago.”

Daehyun feels shaky again. “Oh,” he says. “Really?” 

Youngjae gives him an unimpressed look. “Of course,” he says. 

Daehyun had … no idea. Honestly. The water is warm and falling around them like a curtain and his heart feels like it’s trembling. He and Youngjae _are_ a good team. Vocal line. Best friends. He just thought that something would have to change for him to have anything more. 

“If you want to make one of those sweeping romantic gestures you’re always talking about, this would be a good time to kiss me.” Youngjae looks unimpressed. There are drops of water hanging from his eyelashes. 

“You punk,” Daehyun mumbles, but he does as Youngjae suggests.


End file.
